in the Rock Bottom Pits

Yeah I'm down low at the rock bottoms right now but soon I'll bounce up. While I'm here, I see things as shitty as they are. I wonder if my continuous negative thinking isn't too encouraging, it builds on: I'm tired of being tired, I don't take care of myself so I feel ugly, house is fucking a mess I don't care right now as of I'm in this situation, etc so if I try to change my thinking: oh I'm going through this shit right now it's because I'm strong person I am capable, things will be ok!! I can deal with this!! Everything will be fine when I done with school and working.......

While I'm trying to study for tonight midterm exam, this terminology sticks on my forehead like a stick-on's notepad paper, epigenetic. Here I go again on Freud and Erikson shit on psychology life span stages but it does makes sense, if you cannot go pass the stage you're on, you cannot go on to the next stage. You need to resolve the crisis or task you're dealing with stepwise. For example, the most common is during adolescent years we deal with identity vs. role confusion and if we go on to college not knowing who we are, we are still on this stage as an adolescent during college year. During the transition from high school to college (exploring identity without parents and rules), we drink and party! We take risk behaviors, trying out some drugs and having unprotected sex.

Marlow's law, you know you have basic needs to live. Foods, shelter, clothing, job and making money, being independent, self sufficient wanting to be a better person, etc. in that order. If you lost the job, you go back to the bottom life needs, you worry about foods and where to live. Then you find the job, you move on ..

It can apply to many things, how you grieve the lost loved one.. shock, angry, denial, depression, etc. Some people can stay at one level for a long time, some can move through quickly, some would keep coming back and forth in cycles. Whatever works that we can live and cope.

Not to be psychological bitch here but I feel like I'm well aware the position I'm in but what should I do about it? With the knowledge I have, I still can't figure it out. That's bullshit.