Little Elf

When something had happened, I'd think I gotta write about it. Good things or bad things, I'd just want to remember. I find myself going back to my dream journal, rereading them and remembering. As long as I could remember, I'd write. Why I'd stop writing? I'd say I'm too busy being a mommy, that it changed my life..

When I realized I could go for an international social work program for masters, I thought to myself how I forgot about my dream of traveling around the world. I put it aside when I had Jax, thinking I could not make it happen. Well, I mean, I can take Jax with me!! I stopped thinking "can't" for couple of weeks, boy good things does happen! I have unburied my passions.

Yesterday, it was one of the most sweetest days, we are having a wonderful Christmas spirit this year. It was because I changed my thinking, "no money, not a nice Christmas." Now that Jax is 4 and understanding the holiday, we talked about Santa and sharing presents and decorating the trees. I thought, ok let's do it (I was having a foul mood at the moment, so I allowed good thoughts time two). Early in the morning I had to drop off my car to the shop for tires change so Jax and I stayed in and baked the cookies for the maintenance men (who worked on my car for over two years) to thank them. We had some too! We then unpacked the last year's Christmas boxes and saw that I've been collecting ornaments but we had too tiny tree for them. So we went to Target's to buy a little bigger fake tree, as tall as Jax. With colorful taste, he got to choose the lights and ornaments. He would stop to admire the collections set of little villages; trains, houses, Santa, presents. He would walk around the store singing "Jingle Bells."

When we got home, we were excited to get started with decorating the tree.. but discovered that there was missing parts. But I did not turn into a Scrooge, haha. We had to go back to Target's and exchanged for other, we saw many Christmas lit houses on the way. It was after 8pm when Jax started to put up the ornaments to our little tree. He was perfect little elf. Finally, the star was set up on the top of the tree and we sat in the dark admiring our little Christmas tree!!

Little elf is a true believer, he said Santa is coming tomorrow and that it's going to snow...! He is right about one thing, it's snowing this morning!

Jen is married! She's now a Mrs. Hoochy!!

So much had happened since I got back to the fast lane... I Heart Massachusetts. I Heart Summer time. I Heart Jax who just turned 4... and I Heart Jen-n-Max's love and happiness. They just got married!!

And yeah I had my wisdom teeth removed..

Weather Report

Today:

Spartanburg, SC

A good deal of sunshine. Hot and humind. High 97

And it's gonna be 101 on Saturday... WHOO!

And I just had to check out..
Salem, MA
Cloudy skies, will become overcast. High 59

For a minute I was remembering how I long for a day like this. Especially during winter time when I was having a battle with winter blues. It's good to be home. I've been my most relaxed self, with nothing big and heavy running inside my head, and it's almost like I'm standing against the sign that says "Dead end." Because of that, I'm supposed to be vulunerable and willing to "face it" without hiding, so I'd write it alll out! That's right, I STILL have that paper to do. It's lingering on my mind but it's easily avoided.

Couple of months ago, Cuz Jen gave me this book by Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist nun, on "When things fall apart" (heart advice for difficult times). Rolling eyes, right, so I didn't open the book until last week. Seems like it's time of a year for me to read books like that, extactly last year I read "The 4 Leaves" (is that it?) and "The Secret." But this book mostly talk about meditation. Anyway I was only willing to read it so I'd open up and DO the paper! Life theories and my life stories, phissh.. It's gonna bite my ass or what.

We are already due back to New England next weekend. Alright, we are off to swimming pool with Aunt Darlene and Cousin Zac.. Get fried!!!

Mikey on Lisa Williams

Here's vlog on Mikey's side

Pensive me

While we bitch about gas and the soaring prices, it took almost $45 to fill up my little car. In 2001, when I first got it, it wasn't even $20. Cousin Jen and I wanted to meet over the weekend but decided not to... Because of gas prices. It's really interrupting from people coming together. Ain't stoppin' me from goin' to my mama's house for lil while (about a month).. Jax and I leaving to SC in couple of days..

My head is spinning.. Final exam this morning, things to do, dirty house, packing,.. and still not done wrapping up for the semester.

To Un-spin my head..

So yesterday was Mother's Day and I had to study, I missed Jax so I put my head to business. Like always, from what I learned in school, it give parrels to my everyday life and what's around me. For my woman and global course, I studied on India Gender Violence. And when I saw something on cnn website,there was an article on Good Moms/Bad Moms that the media displayed. You know how that is, it's giving Moms in the real world some kind of pressures... to be good/bad mom.

Alike with India dowry issues, the husband family wanting more prices from the bride family. Over time they are becoming overboard, burning their wives for a scooter (a disturbing case I've learned). I didn't mean to see this way today about Mother's Day, while not having Jax with me so I'd study for final, it felt weird not having him with me today. So I opened and un-horizon my perception about this, Mom's with high expectations to get pampered and spoiled is the same perception about Christmas coming from the kids, they want ipod and shit. Don't worry, Jax gave me something sweet from preschool and Lucas got me yellow roses (to apologize after the tough day I had) and miniature roses from neighbors (to apologize for barging in my house to turn off the fire alarm I didn't mind) all during the same week, heheh

The point is that, we can see the INCREASING expectations over time. In the past, the history showed that we never asked for too much back in the day. We were happy with simple and thoughtful things (without needing money). Or maybe it's just me from my background.

A Medium, her way of life among the dead

About a month ago, Mikey shared his experience when he went to the show and saw a medium. I was interested about his journey when I listened him out. Soon after, he decided to tag me along to his next show to see another medium. It's Lisa Williams, if you see her on lifetime channel. And yea, she talk with the dead people.

So last night we went and during the show, I was surprised on how she dealt with the dead people. Many of the spirits were tugging to get through her so that she could talk with their loved ones. I thought she dealt with them pretty good, for a person like herself with the special talent. She had them one at a time, able to find out which person from the audition of around 300 crowd. It was about 3 hours long, plus 15 minutes break, and I believe she got to talk about 7 or 8 group of people. She made a connection being the living and the dead, tried to help them to close the unfinished businesses. Most of time, the dead ones wanted to APOLOGIZE to the living ones, asking them to forgive them. Some asked them to let them go. And some just dropped by to say hello lo lo. I saw lots of love in the room though. At some point, it became emotional and I shred my tears with them.

After the show, Mikey and his friend Sheryl, also an interpreter Rachel (who offered to babysit Jax someday which was nice to hear), we were chillin in the lounge exchanging spiritual experiences and waited for two hours to get to meet Lisa. I drove Mikey and Rachel home which was 20 minute south from me and I got home after 2am. What a ride..

I cannot really type any further about my thoughts of this journey. Right now I'm having some serious exhaustion. I tend to feel very tired if I got to get to the higher level spiritually, and then, back to the earth, I pretty much crash deep. I'll get back to this...

Re: A Day in the Life of a Deaf person

Professionals,

It started last week when I became sick with what I thought was simply a sinus/chest infection. I though I caught it from taking care of my son who was also sick. My doctor couldn’t see me on Friday so they put me off until Monday. However there was still no interpreter at my Monday appt. She and I had a short pen-n-paper conversation and she
quickly made a referral for me to go to emergency dentist appointment the next day. I was not clear about Tuesday appointment only being consult, not the surgery, so I already rearranged childcare and emailed professionals and canceled interpreters on Wednesday. After long day Tuesday I came to understand it was only a consult. I will have the actual surgery (all 4 wisdom teeth, not just two as I thought) in June. No interpreter at either emergency appointments, so naturally I was unclear about the reason for follow-up appointment.

Truly, I feel stupid for already telling everyone about the oral surgery plan. I feel confused about what’s proper way to deal with this situation.

This is just another example of miscommunication typical for deaf people. I hope this email give you a good idea of how frustrating it feels.

Lastly, I'm still sick with both sinus and dental infections. I can't eat yet but I'm on meds and hope to be better for final exams.

Thank you for listening,
Sara

Nervous Sick

It's tomorrow, the interview date with M C D H H
I saw the field work coordinator this morning, he went through the resume and cover letter.. Lookin' good. He thought I was well prepared

I'm mostly nervous because the agency already have two interns, they are masters students. I wonder why they are willing to meet with me, I'll see..

So in the morning, I'll drop Jax off to Shannon's, and go to the salon and have my hair trimmed. I still do not find the suit jacket that go with my dark tan dress pant. I don't know which shirt to wear, yellow or purple.

I was up til 4am, don't ask why, but I got a chance for an hour nap today, and had a dream...

I decided to go for a run, I had my Nike sneakers on, and I was in some empty place that looks like the amusement park but it was inside building.. Probably closed for the winter. After a short power walk, I started to jog but went past the girl on scooter saying to herself "Geez I could not run like that, especially going that way, getting wet.." I was puzzled but went on running. The building led me in circle and I was going up, climbed some stairs. Soon I noticed some water puddles I avoided and then noticed more water dripping.. Soon they are bigger than just puddle they start to flow like they are refilling the empty swimming pool/water park. Confused I continued jumping around so I would not get TOO wet. Finally, inside my mind, I was like now comon I already know I should not be here but I only wanted to go for a run, now somebody please stop the water and tell me where to go! I turned around, saw the two people working behind the scene they told me to get out, the water is on.. I thought to myself I can't run, I am too wet!

Sneakers

To see or wear sneakers in your dream, suggests that you are approaching through life with ease and little obstacles. It also denotes comfort and satisfaction with yourself and who you are. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you lead an active life and is always on the go.

Jogging

To dream that you are jogging, suggests that you are proceeding through life in a steady pace. You are not really taking any action toward changes.

Water

To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment.

To dream that you are walking on water, suggests that you have supreme and ultimate control over your emotions. It may also suggest that you need to "stay on top" of your emotions and not let them explode out of hand. Alternatively, it is symbolic of faith in yourself.

Amusement Park

To see or be in an amusement park in your dream, indicates that you need to set some time for leisure and more enjoyment in your life. Consider how everything in the park is an expression of some aspect of yourself. Alternatively, you may be too easily distracted lately.

To dream that the amusement park is empty or abandoned, suggests that you need to open yourself to more fun and adventure.

Fashion Show for Mom

Hey Mom, thought it's easier for you to look at the pictures on here than if you open the attachment one by one from the email.

This black suit I got from Targets, it's got pinstripes, really can't see it.. I still have tags on because I'm not sure if I'm keeping it..

This one I got yellow shirt on, it's not white!

I think the jacket is nice.. Am I supposed to keep the yellow shirt collar in?
The pant does look a little baggy..I even have it pulled all the way up to my belly button! I have pumps on..


Another black shoes, it's older, kinda faded black and worn with shorter heels.







So I tried on the purple one, it does look very dark with the black pants. But the shirt looks nice, it works well with the makeups you got me for Christmas.. showing that I have very pretty brown eyes :oD
Just in case I dont want to tuck the shirt in..

but the shirt is longer than the jacket..

Other pant I already have, it's very nice and comfortable. But I have no jacket to go with it.. Maybe it will be nice out on Tuesday..

Look, Mom! Nice booty...! This high waist pant is acceptable.. comfortable..Yes, Mom, I'll iron.. but look at those shoes. Very cute also comfortable..


Just another shirt I already have.. It makes me look so young


Yellow shirt again, it seem to look good with dark tan pant/dark brown shoes. I'm thinkin' I vote for these outfit but no jacket!
This white shirt I already have, thought maybe I'd try on to see what white shirt looks like with black suit. I'm not sure..

New Directions

Soo I'm looking for two possible placements for internship, I need to do the packet of both agencies and turn in by May 1. My professors will get together and pick which agency I will intern for starting Sept-April.

While I've been looking where to intern, I thought to myself I will want to work with someone who is a deaf social worker (with masters degree plus experience). To my surprise, there is only few deaf social workers. I only met four. I also discovered there is NO service for substance abuse for the deaf people. Why do I find it shocking..

During my spring break which was couple of weeks ago, I decided to visit my old job at the state hospital to see what's up there and to remember where I was at before. I talked with the director there about where should I intern, he said they only take in masters students but would be willing to work with me. It's too far to go back n forth anyway and maybe I should go for something new... I visited to an agency where I interned for my association degree. I got a list of signing therapists from there. I also visited Rape Crisis Center where I went for training for counseling certificate in sexual assault (also too far).

It got me thinking, why in the WORLD am I going for a social work career. Ha!

So with something new, I made an appointment to visit the Freedom Trail Clinic. There's two deaf social worker (mental health therapists). We had a "chat" so I'd see where I'm going. It's no way I'd do internship for them for bachelors, I am focusing on contentment (here and now). After the visit, I started to have a clearer idea on where I'm going...

And now I have an official interview date on Tuesday with MCDHH, it's case-management but I think they are going to put me on crisis intervention team. Like if a deaf person got arrested, they will call me in, and I'll see what service the person needs. I'll find out! The point is that I am required to have two agencies all set by May 1 and I'm nowhere ready.

Second agency I might go for is Dept of Mental Health. I was avoiding from "going for it" with them because they required for me to use my car and drive around (a lot). I just don't like the idea of it but I'll see..

*I wrote this over a week ago but did not publish post*

Everything come with its own risks

My previous post on the death of the social worker during a HOME VISIT. But this news, a murder of therapist happened in her office. It's no win situation... Check this out.

Together

My classmate introduced me to Bob Sinclar and I saw this video and read the lyrics it's so cute... so it's been replaying inside my head..

The Risk of Being a Helper

This is disturbing. A social worker was murdered during a home visit to a client she known for 10 years. She got 2 kids. It's been on my mind all the day.. Check out the news.

Pictures Upload

It's so overdue to share the pictures, I think it's the main reason I blog. My original camera is worn out good it was well loved as you saw that. So I've been trying to collect the kodak moments with my Mac photo booth and one-time use camera, friends' cell phones, and then my mom passed her old camera to me. So here's a little update!

For Christmas my Mom done this painting on the night table in Jax's bedroom, but before that, it traveled with us in the backseat all the way up to Salem from Spartanburg, SC. I believe she brought it from antique place for cheap and fixed it up nicely. It's got monkies and palm trees, with the color theme: bright blue, purple, and jungle greens. Inside the table cat model Sombra.
On the first day of school this year I thought started too soon (usually right after MLK's Day), my wish granted with whoompass snow! Here's Jax doing this new famous look for the camera, it's like he's saying PEACE OUT! with his tongue. He wanted to wear his Patriots cap so I found a bigger fleece hat supposedly cover his ears so he kinda look funny. Picture freshly taken before stepping around in the snow, soon he lost his mittens and I had backsore from shoveling.
You figure this one out yourself!


I tried to take pictures of Jax opening the late Christmas presents from Fatima so that she could see what he was all about.. Here's him signing "that's mine," we said like that on Christmas day, telling each others who the presents are for."You open that, I open that, and you can help me to open mine." We tried to each him over the years on Christmas day (and birthday) how we are supposed to be opening the presents excitedly, because of that, while opening his first couple of presents he teared little pieces of paper one at a time. Big improvement here! Yay yay open open the presents! Thanks Fatima!

Now that was ATL! The only picture I had from that night to give proof I celebrated the New Years. For real I'm having a good feeling about this year! 2008! Leap year! Anyway, that's T in the front he does this funny kiddie smile showing off his gold pieces. Behind him is one of my long time girl Eli and then that's me gettin' ready for the last shot of the night (it was 3am!) and behind me is my friend Howard from Boston that I've known in my another lifetime. So you come here look closer, now you tile your head to your left!


That's how much I love my Mac

Rainy Dreams

This another dream journey that took me into a rainy day, I mean, a really rainy day it was pouring the river. I was working at the hospital and I had to go with the group after work for some educational training. So Grey's Anatomy. Someone asked me why I never checked my mailbox, I said it's always full of bad news, reminders, and gossips.. "you need to do this, you need to know that" crap I aint had no time for that. So off we went to outside, I thought wait I have an umbrella and went back inside and found the one I borrowed from my mom (for real I did borrowed hers for the trip to rainy Atlanta). Me in my umberella I looked at another stragerties to stay dry; hooded jacket or running or just whateva and get wet. I looked at how the rain was pouring, making this little river.

Fast forward: I met old faces, scholar conversations, preparing for the training, then... I realized I forgot my umbrella and I ran outside. Why did I left it outside, let it dry? In the pouring rain? I looked for the umbrella and I was already soaked wet. I saw it floating in this little river towards the drain, I ran and caught it on time! Back to inside... So wet I didn't mind...

In summary, I've been dreaming about the rainy days. It must be how I thought about this drought issue when I saw the Lake at home I wrote about earlier. Or maybe it could mean something else...

To dream that you get wet from the rain, signifies that you will soon be cleansed from your troubles and problems. Rain also symbolizes fertility and renewal.

To see and hear rain falling, symbolizes forgiveness and grace.

And how I was "obsessed" about my umbrella, I even chased for it on the pouring river..

To see an umbrella in your dream, suggests that you are putting up a shield against your emotions and trying to avoid dealing with them. It is also symbolic of emotional security.

To dream that you cannot open you umbrella and it is raining, then it suggests that you are open to confronting your own feelings and letting your emotions come to the surface.

Deep huh? Whoa, whoa, whoa, but haha that's what I love about doing the Dream Journal. I also checked out what it means about the mailbox being full and neglected.

To see a mail box in your dream, represents important information that you are about to receive. Pay particular attention to your dream and what message it is trying to convey to you from your unconscious. If the mailbox is full, then it indicates that you have not digested or accepted these messages.

Yeah it's really making sense, I do not want to accept the fact that I need to "let go" of things sometimes. I do not want my true feelings to show, that's vulnerable, so I'd stay strong and doing what I been doing, this is how I'd be all "brave" being on my own in Salem.

Bulliet Board Sayings during traveling

We have the right not to service.
Dunkin' Donuts in NC

Don't serve acolohic to the teens. Its irresponsible.
Anderson, SC

SC Malfunctions, 20% of jobs in the state (?)

Jesus Saves
1,000 times all over..

Topless! Topless! Open 24 hrs Adult Cafe
Greenville SC Oconee GA, even right next to Jesus Saves

We're glad Georgia is on your mind!
GA/SC stateline

20 oz rib eye steak for $9.99
near Atl

Carolina born and breaded.
Fatz's chicken

From Homeless to Harvards.
Ambitious (a program)

Save water. Shower in another city. Delta

In God We Trust. United we Stand.
Common ones since 911

(an imagine of Helen Keller as girl) Only could see the possibilities.
Ambitious ad,Clemson, SC

Nature is one bad mother. Full throttle.
enegry drink, Atl

Meet at my house before game. -God

Suga In Atlanta

Happy New Year! Gawd! it's 2008

On New Year's Eve Eve, I vroomed to Atlanta but the rain was aggressive. For real, the south have not seen this much of rain at one time for couple of years. I also drove by the Lake Hartwell I was shocked to see how bad the drought had been. Since the dirt down in here are bright red/orange (mud clay), we can easily see how low the lake had gotten by the look of bright red trims around the lake. I was stunned to see that.. for real!

After I got my friend Howard from the airport, we decided to raid the city.. First we drove around on the Peachtree Street where the most happenin' but it was a Sunday, a rainy day. We managed checkin' out the Martin Luther King Jr's site.. I remembered how I grew up celebratin' the Black History Month in Feburary's and MLK's Day as you know most people at my school/SC are African Americans. I was mostly touched about how MLK felt like he wanted to give up but could not because of how many followers he had that believed in him.. He said something about how it didn't felt like "a dream" anymore that it turned out to a nightmare (his house bombed, church fires, murders, etc). I could not go any futher until where he died, Howard and I agreed we had a lot at one time so we left. Note to self: google on Guahali (sp?)

Next, we went to the Underground (mall but it's outside, kinda). I used to go there a lot when I was in the dance team back in High School, we went to Georgia School for the Deaf maybe twice a year it's after Atlanta and so we tend to stop by to the city as a break. I remember how I enjoyed walking there... but as I came back there, I was stunned on how many homeless people were there. They just sat around, probably trying to keep warm and dry, but so many of them! Some of them drunk or high, but it was not like they were depressed, it was like they knew what they gotta do and that's life, beggin' for money and doin' their best.. I don't know..

So we finally met with Eli and her boy "T" and their furry ones Petey (pitbull) and Ali (my cat Sunny's first playmate) in their lovely condo home. We got the drinks on as we got freshed up and went out to some pool ballards place, we played game there whatsitcalled but by using a little heavy metal thing on the salty table, roll it as gentle as possible to get the best score. Of course them guys took it seriously that us girls were kickin' ass, haha we went out to eat and back to the house and watched the movie Mr. Brooks... Netflix it! I was tired since I got up early for a drive.

Next day, New Year's Eve, I was able to sleep in and I thought it was so late that we got the party started... but Eli said "this is ATL! not Boston" and she was not kidding! We decided to eat at iHop's and went to the party house hoppin' it wasn't until like 11pm but we got to the neighborhood where everyone was poppin' the firecrackers. I was havin' champange ALL the night, whooo! And then when the midnight struck, the fireworks goin' on all at the same time, WOW! Southern's style! We actually were outside at the most of the night and I was wearin' that BEBE jacket, haha, geez.... Of course there were music, some good Spanish ass shakin' music we were dancin' and drinkin' at the most of the night.

Funny but some guy were tryin' to hit on me but I was busy havin' fun with Eli. He tried to make a conversation, Eli decided to take it over and told him I came from Boston and that I don't have time for him, etc, and that Howard was my boyfriend (he is not). But that boy was still solid, didn't care, haha I miss ELI!!! She does that before and I didn't know it, tellin' them annoying boys to leave me alone havin' fun.. I gotta love her because of that I don't have a lot who is tryin' to look out for my back for good reasons.

So of course there were fights, we fled but the party wasn't over! We went to the bar and it was still open at 3am! Seriously! So we had shots and couple of pitchers, we were DONE for.. haha.. back to the condo we were being silly and finally crashed. It was almost 6am ;)

I got up 9am and left to home, whoo! No hangover or anything, when I got home my mom got mad foods goin' on. If you know, a good fortunate food must be eatten on the New Year's Day for good luck, money, positive year, etc. My grandma and Mr. Sloan came, of course we always had a good chat. Oh Jax was doin' just great being with my mom and Papa Dave, didn't notice I was gone or something haha.

Countdown

It's good to be home, it does not feel like a "Christmas" break to me...

Jax and I left the cold and stayed in Washington, DC for a night at girlfriend Niki's, it's always good to see my girls. The next day we went to the Arlington Cemetry together. It was not too cold so we went for a long walk and visited Gregroy Anthony Wright. While I don't have a camera I brought a one time use camera and took some pictures. At first I felt stunned to see how many died in Iraq so recently since Greg (Jan 13, 2007). There was a little rock on his gravestone, someone wrote "Hero" in gold. While I started to think back about Greg, feeling sad, but it was not for long. Jax ran around, hid behind his gravestone and played peekaboo, and I took pictures. It was beautiful and sad. It didn't felt like I was there for a closure or to say goodbye.

We got home with no problem and I really SLEPT. I was more tired than I thought but Jax got better right away (no more runny nose or coughing), he was happy about small things. He been spending time with Papa Dave, doing the manly stuff. I kept on catching up with my sleep and still felt tired but I was happy to be home. The Christmas Eve party at my Aunty was good, everyone were comfortable and happy.

On Christmas morning, again, Jax enjoyed the small and simple things. I felt lucky because of that I could not play Santa this year. We went to Dave's parents house for dinner they live in Gastonia, NC. And then Jax and I went down to Summerville and visited the Dugas family. For me, it's always tough visiting them. Whatever I do is not enough for them, "Are you working again yet?" "When you done with school?" "Is Jax's father helping you?" "You looked too thin" and "Are you dating again?"

Anyways it's over with. Right now I'm happy the weekend is here. My mom is throwing a house party tomorrow and I have some old friends coming to visit. Sunday, I will go to Atlanta and see my girl Elizabeth. I'm excited! She was my roommate in Natck, it took us awhile to be close friends but one Christmas Break she flew down to Atlanta so that we could celebrate New Year's with Cousin Jen when she lived down there before. About 6 months later, Eli decided to move there and she been happy since. Well Jax will be with my family while I'm gone for 2 nights, I'm excited!!

I gotta mention what I got for my birthday from Lucas' Mom, Margo (said it's from Jax). It's WHITE jacket from BEBE and it's got rabbit's FUR trims. OMG!!! I was shocked when I saw it and Margo was like, Yay love it!! I tried it on, OMG. Just OMG. I feel guilty as a brokeass momma wearing the jacket. Fur? Maybe some PETA members will throw some paints at me. My girl Niki refused touch it. Guilty! Damn! But I worn it tryin to get feel of it...

I just checked my grades online (very patient with Mom's computer), I made a B in my America Literature class!!! I already got a list of what to read for the semester I ain't started reading..

I can't believe how the heroine Bhutto died like that yesterday... Everything's gonna change..

New England Patriot's is playin' tmw night and we are gonna kick ass!!

Ok just rumbling here. Happy Near Ending 2007!

Never Enough Time

Wow yeah I'm racing against the clock. I am trying to finish everything for the semester TONIGHT! No I (incomplete) grade, an extension for me to finish the course but it became harder when I pull it off. I've been kickin' ass in school than ever but it's never enough. In fact I done one paper last night it was due Oct. 31

Last week Thursday as I was done with the only in-class final exam (3 another classes was take home exam...papers!), I felt relieved and passed it on to the Professor. He then asked me, "What was wrong?" that I didn't turn in the paper due before Thanksgiving. Instead of "Why you didn't do it" it's like he already knew I sucked with time management and been doing my best. Hella yea! I made an A on midterm exam and an A on first paper of the semester. I had to laugh! I said to him "I'm working on it." He thanked me for having his class, "it was really a great pleasure having you."

Another professor I was apologizing to her that I didn't do my best in her class, I mean it's a social work class! I told her how I felt like I spent a lot of energy on American Literature class, I felt wasted for not doing my fullest in her class. She was like, "No way! You in game, you always bring your laptop to class and type away everything. You participated in class and brought up many great points and thoughts. You clearly showed you done your best." Mmm, ok! Big smile!

What I learned about this semester? It's never enough time, if I do my 100% but most importantly is that I feel like I done my best, that way I won't have any regrets "I should've done more but I couldn't." No matter what the professors thought of me, they've SEEN what I done. Anyways.. again.. I'm kickin' ass :) I think that's my motto for now...

Alright tonight I'm gonna finish up couple of papers and hopefully I'd turn them in tomorrow despite the fact Jax is sick with colds and coughing and I'm feeling shitty with sinus. It's supposed to snow again Thursday so it's looking like we are goin to hit roadtrip home on Friday.

I'll keep up with my blog over the Holiday ;) My mom have camera.. Free time.. Wanting to remember everything... So I'll be here!

Here's one of tonight of us being happy to cuddle together after 4 days separated (him gone to Vovo's while I cram). Happy Holiday! Happy Loving! Happy Eating! Happy Sleeping...!

Jumpin' over a rollin' barrier

Ok now what.

I was told by the person who tried to set us up with the speech therapist from Parent-Child Home Program that they cannot afford to pay the interpreter to come at our house twice a week (they will pay $200 weekly).

First, they asked to have an interpreter on the first meeting so we could communicate about what’s the plan and do the paperwork, etc. And then they will send the speech therapist who could sign, twice a week for half hour each.

For some reason I don’t agree with having just the speech therapist to come, her to communicate with both Jax and me, it’s not her specialization doing that.

I probably feel like I’d want to have an interpreter here, so that I can observe the speech therapist and Jax doing their thing on their own but at the same time I’m included. I want to know the new words so maybe later Jax and I can talk about it in ASL. So many new feelings and barriers about this one.

Who to talk with? Like I’d find the nearest deaf single mother similar with my position. I chat with two of my interpreter friends; boy don’t they have a lot to say. One of them is also a CODA, she does know how to bring up my mixed feelings and thoughts as a single deaf mom (her mother went through the same thing). They are really kickin’ my ass not to give in. I think I felt more twisted after the program said “nevermind” about having an interpreter on the first day, and thinking I’d do fine with the speech therapist (maybe they’re right but that’s why need an interpreter for first day to find out).

Thanks to Rosey for sharing but she sent me a link to Oslon Brothers vlog, they’re hearing brothers of deaf parents and it’s a RIOT watching their stories. I could not help it but thinking about Jax growing up as a CODA, I secretly hope he will have a time of his life… having the best and worst worlds (Deaf, Brazilian, America cultures).

Alright, right now, I will continue with this journey lookin’ for another options so we can chose the best way possible. Life is all about good chances!